Speak to Me of Love
Dovid Grossman, a coach and father of nine, recently told me
that his father and he had fought constantly through his growing
up years. Through it all, his mother was the referee. Finally
when Dovid was 17 years old he sat down with his father and
said, “I want to have a close relationship with you.” He was
flabbergasted when his father said, “I’ve tried to do that your
whole life but I don’t know how.”
The conversation made a strong impression on me because I too
had a stormy relationship with my father. I tell people I had
sibling rivalry with my father!
Gary Chapman, pastor and marriage counselor, noticed that if you
want to truly connect with your loved one you need to know and
speak his or her love language. A love language is the way we
express our devotion and commitment, and it can be learned or
changed to touch the hearts of our partners.
Chapman says there are 5 Love Languages. They are:
·Receiving Gifts – Presents and physical tokens of affection
move you. ·Quality Time – This can be expressed either through
those intimate tête-à-tête discussions or via doing things
together. ·Acts of Service – You prefer to show your love
through favors and chores and doing things for others. ·Physical
Touch – You want to give and/or receive affection physically.
·Words of Affirmation – You need to hear praise to know you are
loved, and you may also prefer to express your affection
verbally.
Everyone has a preferred love language. Most of us just
naturally assume that because we like to have love expressed to
us in a certain way that the other person wants to have it
expressed to him or her in that same way.
Now that I think about it my father was a hugger but I preferred
going on outings with him and hearing him praise me. It is no
wonder that we struggled! Perhaps something similar happened
between Dovid and his father.
Gary Chapman has written several books on the topic. One The
Five Love Languages is for couples; there are also volumes that
address men, singles, children and teenagers.
On March 15th Gary will be interviewed by Dovid about the book
The Five Love Languages for Teenagers on a teleclass (class that
is given on the telephone) sponsored by Coachville.com. (Check
their website for more information.)
Dovid also started a group called Awesome Dads at Coachville
(www.AwesomeDads.com), because after his experience he realized
that most fathers want to connect powerfully on a deep emotional
level with their children. His group meets regularly by
telephone to discuss various proficiencies of fatherhood.
Are you interested in “Connecting powerfully on a deep emotional
level”? If so Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages may provide you
with the tools to do just that.
About Alvah Parker Alvah Parker is a Business and Career Coach
as well as publisher of Parker’s Points, an email tip list and
Road to Success, an ezine. Parker works with high potential
professionals who want to make their work fun, fulfilling and
profitable. Her clients are managers, business owners, sole
practioners, attorneys and people in transition. Alvah is found
on the web at www.asparker.com. She may also be reached at
781-598-0388.
