The Marketers’ Senate

Just as with your first marriage, your second marriage is a new
beginning with your fiance. So it makes sense that many of the
traditional rituals and rules of etiquette apply. But which ones?

There is no reason why you should not register for gifts, have a
shower, or wear a white, full-length gown at the altar. Whether
or not you will choose any of these options is now considered
strictly a matter of personal preference dictated by your style.

Charting a new course

When it comes to the ceremony, one of the questions that
experienced brides-to-be frequently ask themselves is “Do I
really want to do everything the same or do something completely
different?” If you were married in a civil ceremony the first
time, maybe it’s time to consider a church ceremony, complete
with flower girls, a ring bearer, and attendants.

Because you are certainly all-grown-up now, this is your chance
to plan your wedding exactly the way you want it to be, without
any unnecessary consideration for the wishes of parents.
However, you will want to discuss your feeling and carry out the
planning with the groom.

On the other hand, if the formality and style of your first
wedding did suite your taste, you should feel free to repeat
those elements. Nevertheless, since this is a time to look
toward the future, rather than returning to the past, don’t get
bogged down with history. Using the same reception site or
adding the same personal touches would be in poor taste, so
should be avoided.

Large ceremony or small The size of your wedding party, as well
as the number of guests you will invite, is entirely up to you.
With regard to the ceremony itself, the rules of etiquette would
be the same as if you were marrying for the first time.

If you are planning to invite more than 50 guests, arrange to
have attendants (groomsmen or ushers) on hand. If at all
possible, you will want to have one attendant for every 50
guests.

And Jenny makes three Children of the bride and/or groom are
often a part of second marriages. If either of you has children,
invite them to participate in the ceremony.

Teens make nice junior ushers and junior bridesmaids. Very young
daughters can, of course, be flower girls, and little boys, ring
bearers or pages. Conversely, if the ceremony is to be small or
the ages of the children would make them unsuitable for these
roles, you might simply ask them to accompany you down the isle,
or meet you at the altar.

Children do not always welcome the opportunity to participate in
wedding ceremonies. If you children seem unwilling to play a
role in the ceremony, you should respect their feelings.
Incidentally, if you share custody with your ex-husband, let him
know about plans to include your children in the ceremony.

Inviting your ex-husband and former in-laws

If you and your former in-laws are still on good terms, you may
want to invite them. However, you are under no obligation to do
so. Consider this as nothing more than a formality since they
would not be expected to accept.

Rarely would an ex-spouse be invited to the ceremony, even if
the two of you have remained friends. Think about it. Inviting
your ex-spouse to the ceremony leaves him with only two choices,
neither of which would be welcomed: accepting and feeling bad or
declining and looking bad.

A more sensible and considerate approach would be to invite him
to a private dinner, perhaps at your home, after the ceremony
and honeymoon.

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